Lately I've been asking myself what it meant to have self-respect. 

Self-respect:  feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity.

I googled it. I never really understood it until now though. The thing is that I've seen my mom sleep with one guy after the other. I wonder if she has self-respect. I'm not trying to talk down on my own mother, just trying to really understand.

As a kid i thought that kissing was so much fun. I kissed my cousins, my stepdad's little brother, my neighbor's daughters, and more people after that. I started to discover myself, my body, my interests. The first time that I let a boy search my body for more, I was 13. He was my first ever boyfriend. He traced his fingers on my skin, going lower an lower. It felt good. Then my next boyfriend did the same but a bit more, and he next one after that did just as much. When I was 14 I had more than 5 boys search for the warmth between my legs. I loved it all. When I was 15 I fell in love with my neighbor's son. I gave him what I hadn't given ANY of my boyfriends. I gave him what only their fingers felt, what I had been so afraid to give to anyone.

I loved the way it felt having him inside of me and so did he. So, we did it again and again. Then after 3 months he left. and a month later I met someone new. A distraction. I let him inside of me too. But I was not in love with him. I AM not in love with him. I just loved the feeling he gave me when we were naked. Then there was another guy after that. And then back to the other. Then someone new. By the age of 17 I have been with 4 different guys in the period of 3 years. And I'm not dating any of them.

So what does that make me? Do I have even an ounce of self-respect?


**Sonny**